i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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