I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
