I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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