dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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