Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
