Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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