just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
