a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
