worst night to have a conscience
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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