Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
