your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
