whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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