I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I AM VODKA MAN
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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