SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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