your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
