i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
