I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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