I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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