i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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