he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
