he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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