He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
