so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
