I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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