sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
