my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
time to smoke my breakfast
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
