I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need water and some morals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
