I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do vagina's smell?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize