I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize