No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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