How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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