love makes seman taste better
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
