I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
