you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
