He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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