also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
