do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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