We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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