can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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