look no pants
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
