You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
