Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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