well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
