if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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