awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
