The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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