drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
