its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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