I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
