Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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