she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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