dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
