Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
