Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
