Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
