The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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