a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
