My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
