New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize