I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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