He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
