There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
