I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
