I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
