You made me cry and you don't even care
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
