wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
