i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so let's talk penis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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