The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
