some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
