don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
