You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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