since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize