8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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