i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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