My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize