So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
