Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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