My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
