sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
