Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
