Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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